WHAT IS LOVE???

     What is love? I am asking each and every one of you what the true meaning of real unconditional love is. The definition states that love is an intense feeling of deep affection. Love is endearment, warmth, intimacy, fondness, tenderness, attachment and so on. There are so many words I can put down that can describe what love is, but that wouldn't matter would it? It wouldn't matter because we all have our own definitions of what love is to us and what it means. It doesn't matter what the world thinks or what the world defines as true love because we define it ourselves. We all live different lives, live in different environments and live within different situations so how can somebody else tell me what love really is?
     When we enter into a relationship with someone, we cannot expect perfection. We all go through obstacles with the people we attach too, but isn't love surviving those obstacles together? I cannot point out one relationship that doesn't have it's ups and downs. We all carry our own flaws and loving someone means accepting those flaws right? Yes to an extent, but loving a flaw that inevitably repeats doesn't mean we should accept it. So your man never replaces the toilet paper roll when it runs out or maybe he leaves the cereal bag wide open so the contents get stale after he grabs a bowl. These are things that can be changed, yes these are things that irritate the hell out of us, but these are things we can overcome. Abuse is not one of them!
        An anonymous woman wrote to me and expressed her thoughts. She married young. She decided to pop out a few kids instead of pursuing college as she had originally planned from the start, but she fell in love and we all know what we will do for a man we love. Her husband was financially stable, helping her with all the essentials she had ever asked for so what did she need to go to college for? Her life was set! She married the man of her dreams and she never had to worry about a penny.
    The thing is, is it took her years to figure out who her husband really was. He had money because he came from money, but he had problems that she wasn't aware of. He had addiction issues. When the money started to disappear from their joint account she started to grow suspicious. Was he cheating? Was he planning a vacation? No he was smoking crack! The more she drilled her husband, the more angry he would get. Every response always led to "I make the money, so it is mine and I can do what I want with it!"
    He started to drift away. He would disappear for days at a time, call into work consistently and his anger was starting to rise by the day. One day, she said he was acting paranoid and she couldn't hold her tongue anymore. An altercation broke out and he ended up giving her a black eye and two broken ribs. He had never hit her before, but he begged for forgiveness. She told the hospital a pack of dumb lies and she was back at home with the kids in no time, but bandaged.
    The pain didn't stop there. He never reached out for help regarding his addiction as promised so it only continued to get worse. She couldn't leave because she wanted to save him. Every wife should stand by their man right? But he wouldn't even consider rehabilitation because he claimed he didn't have a problem. She did everything she could to try to help him get better, but nothing seemed to work. She found herself walking on eggshells to avoid any type of spark in his demeanor, but that didn't stop him from taking what ever aggression he had out on her.
   She ended up in the hospital time after time, claiming that she was going to stand by her man and help him get better. She was going to change him no matter what, but he didn't have the will power to change himself. He lost interest in making love and eventually lost all interest in her period. All he cared about was drugs. She felt trapped. Felt she didn't have the skills to get a job that could keep up with their lifestyle so she stayed and put up with it. She didn't have a ton of family support and her best friend was her husband, her crack addicted, abusive husband. She felt she had no other option, but to stay and take it, praying things would change. 
    Now let me ask you again. What is love? What is the true meaning of real unconditional love? I give props to any woman who stands by their man when he is going through a rough patch. But the truth in the matter is, love is not this. Love is not abuse. Love is not leaving your family to fend for themselves so you can score some dope. Love does not put you in the hospital time and time again. Love does not disappear and then reappear when ever he see's fit. Love does not hurt.
    I see so many brave, strong, gifted woman around me. I see women who give their all to their men only to see them get walked all over like a welcome rug in return. I see it all the time! We are natural born nurturers.We are indeed the backbone in our own homes. We make it our place to fix what breaks so our families are well taken care of. But who is taking care of you?
    This story clearly represents so many abused women around us who are suffering abuse because they are economically unstable. This story represents a strong woman who has tried repeatedly to fix her family, but in no way, shape or form should she accept his flaws! Not these ones. Addiction and abuse go hand in hand and only get worse with time. If he is not trying to seek help or a resolution  to his problem then it is likely your family is in danger. When a man is high off drugs or if he is in need of an immediate fix, their anger escalates to unimaginable heights. Women die all the time by the hands of their lovers.
     I nearly died at the hands of my ex because he was too high to know what was going on in our conversation. He had thought I had threatened him when I didn't and when I tried to object he picked me up over his head and body slammed me to the cement. Along with many other things, but the point is, I never even said what he thought he had heard. Drugs will make you hallucinate and it will make people do things that they wouldn't normally do. You have to be careful, be cautious and I urge anyone to seek help immediately if this situation may be your own.
     I know we have our own definitions of love and for what us women suffer through for our men is commendable. Women will write their lovers in prison for several years, staying faithful the entire time. We will wait for them to come home without even thinking of stepping out on them. But what is enough to you? A black eye? A broken wrist? Or is it when he turns on the children. You have to at some point realize these are not ordinary flaws you are accepting, this is an inevitable death sentence. You deserve real unconditional love, every woman does! You just need to believe that!  

 

THESE ARE REAL STATISTICS SO PLEASE READ FOR YOUR SAFETY

A woman is more likely to be killed by a male partner (or former partner) than any other person.

About 4,000 women die each year due to domestic violence.

Of the total domestic violence homicides, about 75% of the victims were killed as they attempted to leave the relationship or after the relationship had ended.

Seventy-three percent of male abusers were abused as children.

Thirty percent of Americans say they know a woman who has been physically abused by her husband in the past year.

Women of all races are equally vulnerable to violence by an intimate partner.

On average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or partners in this country every day.

Intimate partner violence a crime that largely affects women. In 1999, women accounted for 85% of the victims of intimate partner violence.

On average, a woman will leave an abusive relationship seven times before she leaves for good.

Approximately 75% of women who are killed by their batterers are murdered when they attempt to leave or after they have left an abusive relationship.