The Real Ray Rice

   

       Ray Rice, an NFL superstar who played for the Baltimore Ravens was suspended indefinitely for footage that was released by TMZ this past week. The football player was caught on camera punching his wife on a hotel elevator then persisted on dragging her out as she was knocked unconscious. She had hit her head on the railing inside the elevator in the process of the altercation. The footage clearly depicts Rice knocking his wife down to the ground in response to her trying to slap/push him. You can see that she is upset over a quick statement he makes, he then pushes her first then she tries to slap his arm or chest, but in response he knocks her to the ground without hesitation. His actions towards her seem so natural when you watch the video, validating that this certainly was not the first time this had happened to her.

    Of course I am not 100 percent sure that Rice beats her on a regular, but as a domestic violence survivor I know what abuse looks like in all forms. He hit her like a man without a second thought. Yes, you can see she is clearly upset and tries to slap him or push him, but as a man you have the ability to control your actions. He could have called her a nasty, ugly name for all we know. She clearly didn't use half the force that he did. He didn't even look upset or concerned as he dragged her out of the elevator unconscious. Not one look of remorse! Not one phone was picked up to call 911! Nothing! He knew exactly what he was doing and didn't care!                                     

      It is not out of the ordinary to see celebrity’s, who are just as normal as you and I getting away with things of this nature all the time because they have money to cover it up. The NFL knew of this incident prior to TMZ putting the footage out and only suspended Rice for two games. The Prosecutors in New Jersey also worked with Rice regarding charges being filed as long as he sought counseling.  What the hell is wrong with people?  The NFL knew about this and now they recognize the severity of it AFTER their player gets caught in the act?

      If Rice was an ordinary person he would have been thrown in jail for such actions. Counseling would have been the least of his worries, but now since the commisioner of the NFL doesn’t want the domestic violence activists on his tail he is going to change Rice’s punishment? It hardly seems like they really cared about anything at all, but to save the face of the NFL. 
   
      Much love and props to Kim Gandy, President of the National Network to End Domestic Violence for helping the NFL as well as the Prosecutors see the severity of Rice's actions. I thought since the violent incident involving Chris Brown and ex-girlfriend Rihanna people would take more responsibility for their actions or the actions of those who work under them. I thought it would have sparked a rise in domestic violence awareness, but we are still covering up men’s actions to only further put the female involved life in danger. The sad thing about this story is this is Rice’s wife’s denial.

    I was listening to the radio this morning when I overheard that Ray Rice’s wife had accused the media of ruining their lives. She wrote on her Facebook in full support of her husband claiming that this was their business and not the media's. I was astonished, but this is typical behavior for an abused spouse. She has obviously been caught between a rock and a hard place. I am sure she loves her husband in many ways that only a woman of a domestic violence background could understand. I am sure he promised her he would change a hundred times (we all know what that sounds like), but change will never come. Now her one source of income, which stems from her husband’s NFL contract, is nonexistent for now.

      She not only has to feel the effects of the abuse, but now the world knows and she is going to face financial struggles because of her husband’s actions against her. It is easy for her to blame the media, because we have seen the media twist and turn things that affect so many people’s lives for the worst. I am sure TMZ released this story for the wrong reasons, but in all reality all this mess should rest on the shoulders of her husband. It makes me so angry to see how nonchalant he is when he hurts her. I just hope he doesn't blame his wife for this.

   This is a prime example of denial. One of the most difficult aspects of domestic violence is acceptance.  I cannot imagine how she feels to know the world has seen images of what he does to her. I empathize with what she must be going through. I only wish I could send her my love as a survivor, but she really needs to accept what just happened. It does not matter what the world thinks because the only thing that matters is her safety. What is real is it is not necessarily the media’s fault. If her husband didn’t beat her, she wouldn’t be completely humiliated in front of the entire world. If he talked out his anger instead of acting on it, his contract wouldn’t be suspended indefinitely. `

      I know this woman probably feels as if the world is crashing down on her. She may be feeling lost, embarrassed and broke, but this may have been the one thing to save her from future abuse. We recently watched the trial of Olympic runner Oscar Pistorius who murdered his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp in cold blood. Now if someone would have previously exposed a video of him beating this beautiful, successful model in the past she may be alive today.

      I know the media is a cruel reality, but TMZ may have just saved Ray Rice’s wife’s life. She will see it one day. She will see past the deep love she has for this man. I respect that she is standing up for her husband, but she is clearly standing up for him for the wrong reasons. He didn't just cheat, he could have killed her in that elevator. I have heard people dying from one strike to the head. I just pray that it won’t be too late before she comes to her senses. I send my prayers out to you and your family Reeva! Keep your head up and stay strong! You do not need a man to make you feel complete. Love is not this!

This video may be very disturbing, but this is what women have to face everyday at the hands of their lover, husband and friend.

 

WHY DO WOMEN STAND BY THIER MAN UNDER SUCH CIRCUMSTANCES?

1."I love him" - Emotional Attachment

2. They blame themselves...feel they asked for it

3. Don't feel they deserve better or can get better  

4. Believe them when they say they will change or will get help

5. They do it for the kids, so they have a family 

6. They never had a father and do not want the kids to grow without one

7. They make excuses like.."Oh he didn't mean it" or "He had a bad day"   

8. They shut up and put up with it to avoid further consequences..."this time wasn't so bad"

9. They lack financial support or a place to live in order to escape

10. He has already damaged her psychologically to the point where he has her under his manipulation at all times. She will do whatever he wants her to do like a puppy. That is how mental abuse works!