There is always another side as to why certain actions are not taken as seriously as others, which is why evidence is always the best way to prove your case in a court of law. People lie without fear of consequence and in most cases it is always as an act of revenge. The problem with falsely accusing people for crimes they did not commit, is that those actions hurt the ones who have actually been a victim of such crimes, such as assault, rape and domestic violence. It hurts women as a whole and it gives men a bad reputation. Yes, 75% of domestic violence is perpetrated by men, but we cannot forget the other 25% of the victims who are men as well.
The sad thing is, is when I researched this subject I was overwhelmed by
the amount of evidence supporting the use of false allegations as a
divorce tactic I really never knew false claims of abuse were reported so often. This just doesn't make sense to me. Why would any woman scream abuse when her husband
never abused her? That not only affects us as a victim, it also affects every
male who is accused of a crime he did not commit. He can ultimately lose
everything he has ever worked for and for what?
You may be asking yourself why a spouse would do such a thing when
this type of violence is happening in our communities every day. Domestic
Violence is real and programs, nonprofit organizations as well as real survivors turned activists are working very hard to raise awareness on a
subject that women feel the need to suppress and underreport. But the answers
always lead back to money….money and custody.
For
instance let’s say a wife is married, but she is having an affair with a man
she plans to leave her husband for. Infidelity is labeled unacceptable and will
always make the perpetrator look bad in any divorce proceeding. Instead of
taking her chances she will provoke her husband by hitting him or by waving the
affair in his face or by just plain lying to police officers. She wants him to
hit her and she will push until he explodes when he has never committed this
type of act in his past, but we all know we can be pushed to exceeding limits
when we are in love with someone. I am not saying abuse is acceptable by
any means, but the circumstances are certainly relevant.
An act of
violence may or may not occur, but her deed is done. There are lawyers out
there that are actually recommending their female clients to provoke these types
of situations to wave the case in their favor. The male will look bad and the
affair will be irrelevant . A protection order will be put in place, he
will face criminal charges, custody will be granted to the wife, half of the
husbands assets as well as the home will go to her and her husband’s name
will be forever labeled as a wife beater. His life will be ruined by lies
and he is now divorced and alone.
Now this is only
one situation, but all the research I conducted proves this happens quite often
and I am embarrassed by the women who are committing perjury to win their case. No help will ever
be offered to the husband in this circumstance because a woman's word is
always considered the truth when it comes to abuse. The VAMA, which stands for
Violence Against Women Act, is in place to protect women who are abused at the
hands of their partners. We (as a whole) stand by women, supporting them and their children
and we help them seek legal representation to file charges against their abusers.
This is not easy for any woman who has to get up in front of the world and
testify to what happened to her. It is one of the hardest things we will
ever have to do in our lives.
I feel it
is important to acknowledge this because this is something that
directly affects "US" as survivors and the women who are still
going through abusive acts to this day. Filing false allegations of
abuse is not acceptable by any means necessary and it diminishes our
credibility as a real victim of abuse. It is like crying wolf when nothing is
happening, then when it happens no one cares to respond. We need response
from the community and to see people lying and strategically provoking their partners
doesn’t give us victims much credibility at all.
If
you are a woman who is unhappy in her marriage there is nothing wrong with
filing a divorce. Just file! Children are usually placed in the home of
their mother and sharing custody can always give you a chance to have a
little freedom. I know we all live different lives and just filing for
divorce is easier said than done and some of us have religious reasons, but ruining your husband’s reputation for
money and custody really defines your character as a woman. I know sometimes
our husbands are not perfect, but we are stronger than letting our husband's
get the best of us.
There are also a
percentage of women accusing men of rape and abuse who are not married or
involved what so ever. Sometimes accusing someone is an act of revenge. I know
we put up with a lot of crap within our own dating experiences, but I really
look down on women who use false allegations as an upper hand. Yes, men do
things that can anger us and I completely feel you!! Sometimes you want nothing
more than to kick their butts for the stupid acts they commit, but this could eventually make it hard for victims to prove an assault occurred. We are trusted by our own word as of today, but the legal system could very well change that in the future.
Yes men cheat on us, they avoid us and
they hurt us to the core, but this is not the best way to hurt them back.
Cutting off all ties, holding your head up high and succeeding to your
potential is the best revenge you can give a man who took you for granted. Showing
a man you once dated what he missed out on is the best thing you could do for
yourself to avoid doing something you will ultimately regret. Trust me, all men love an independent, strong and ambitious woman so show him how far you can climb to the top and move on to someone else who will appreciate who you are.
We
all make mistakes as we age, but learning from them is what promotes true growth. If
you have told a lie that has hurt someone to this magnitude, it is only right to speak
the truth. A person's life can easily end because of social media. We have seen what happens to people in the spotlight, such as football
players and celebrities who really do commit acts of rape and violence. Social
media makes sure they never forget what they have done, but if they did nothing
the truth should surface. People work hard to climb to the top and I have
seen lies destroy it all as well as everything around them, such as jobs, scholarships, etc.
We need justice to be served to the real perpetrators, we need to be trusted and believed and we need to be able to
rely on the justice system to get us through our own trials of rape and abuse. I was
not aware this happened so often, but it is important for us to have an opinion
on it. As survivors we need all the support we can get and teaching women not to
use false allegations in order to gain more for herself is not the way to go.
Perjury is punishable by law and we do not need to be stereotyped any more as
women. We need to stick together because we are all in this together.
Below is a link that is relevant to my story. It describes more in depth about the problems with filing false allegations and why it happens. The truth is a bit disturbing, but it is a good read and apart of my research.
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