What type of people do you think attend anger management regularly? I know the first thing that may come to mind are those individuals that are ordered to take classes by a judge, but that simply isn't true. Anger management is for everyone and anyone who want to improve their lives, manage their anger and to gain more self control. These classes are also a great way to save a lot of relationships that are going through a rough patch due to one or both partners expressing uncontrollable rage.
We all know what it's like to deal with the effects of stress, except it is easy to say we all handle it in our own way. Some people suppress it, some cry, some folks practice yoga or other activities in order to handle certain amounts of stress and others may lash out directly or indirectly. Increasingly amounts of stress can intensify anger and depending upon the individual it can either make you socially withdrawn or it can make you what we call "hotheaded." Anger is a very powerful emotion, which at times can be taken out on others, especially the ones we love the most.
I fell in love with an angry man, although I didn't realize he was angry until it was too late. I was infatuated and pregnant with his child. His past turned out to be a huge factor in how he acted and treated others around him, including me. He was never given the proper help he needed growing up, which most men are not because society has taught them to toughen it out. A lot of men are made to suppress their emotions, but if boys/men are not encouraged to feel their true feelings, anger will only build up within them over time. Eventually my ex's anger that stemmed from his past made it's way into our relationship, which eventually lead to me getting beaten consistently.
Those who anger easily have what psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, simply meaning he felt he should not have been subjected to frustration, inconvenience or annoyance. They're particularly infuriated if the situation seems unjust, such as being corrected for a simple mistake. Anger can lead to dangerous acts or situations like road rage, the throwing of objects (no matter the size), hitting or punching holes in the walls, doors, etc. and can very well lead to domestic violence.
What can make people so angry? A number of things can cause a person to act this way. Two causes stem from genetics and physiology. There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy and easily angered and these signs are usually present in the early stages of life. Another cause may be sociocultural. Anger is often seen as a negative emotion. While we are allowed to express emotions such as, depression and anxiety, we are not always allowed to express anger out in the open.
I have seen people express anger due to their background as well as their family history. People have troubles dealing with their own race, sexual orientation, religion and some people grow up in dysfunctional families, which can cause an extreme amount of anger if we do not get the affection we need growing up. If we as children grow up in a household full of rage, we will learn to imitate it. There are so many different reasons why anger is so prevalent. We just need to learn how mange our anger and to notice what triggers our reactions. We can develop strategies and ways to avoid the things that anger us the most. We just need to openly recognize that we need help and to make the steps to obtain it.
Today, anger management classes are seen as a great way to help individuals who want to improve themselves as well as a great way to learn how to manage their anger so our partners do not have to suffer the repercussions of our actions. Men can react impulsively and will turn their anger towards their wives/girlfriends, only to be remorseful after they have calmed down. I would never tell a woman to stay with her abuser, but I understand that women want to help save their relationships.
I know exactly what it feels like to be pulled in two directions. Although I would always tell a woman who is being abused to leave the relationship immediately, I know that this is not always going to be taken into consideration. Sometimes we can't leave for what ever reason and we want to help our partners. If this is you, I would suggest these types of classes to see if they can help your situation, as well as individual and couples therapy. Will it help your relationship? The truth is, is I do not know if it will, but trying can't hurt. I just pray you will be safe while trying to mend your relationship. Not all situations are the same and some relationships will not heal with just a class or two. Sometimes parting is the best way in most abusive cases.
I would not recommend living with your abuser while you are going through counseling or anger management. If he is willing to change like he claims he will, he will do whatever it takes to CHANGE! If you are refusing to leave I would suggest to your partner to take these classes immediately! It is for your safety and for your partner to get the help he properly needs to alleviate what is angering him so much to feel the need to hit you.
Anger management is not just for chaotic relationships. It may also be a great way for you to relieve some of your own anger if you are a survivor of domestic violence. I was angry for so many years. I was enraged, depressed, confused, along with so many more emotions. When you are exiting an abusive relationship it is completely normal to feel this way, but it is not healthy to feel this way forever.
We were dealt a bad relationship yes, but that doesn't mean we have to live in an abusive state of mind forever. We are survivors and we need to feel just that...like we won! Anything that you can do to help with the emotions you are feeling is a great way to begin the healing process. I know it may never feel like you will ever feel whole again, but take my word for it as a survivor of domestic violence....you will! It may take some time, hell it may take years as it did for me, but once you feel what real love is, you will wonder why you ever loved your ex in the first place. You will feel stronger, wiser and you will learn from this experience so that you will never except less than what you are worth again!
The first link I posted below is a site that shares information on the problems with anger and ways you can help manage it. The second link is a web page that will direct you to chat rooms, online meetings and email meetings regarding anger management. It also contains some valuable information you should research. And last, I also posted a helpful hotline you can call in case you feel the need to talk to someone who can help you through your issues anonymously. If you are looking to attend classes please Google Anger Management classes or Workshops in your specific area. It was very tough to narrow down a search when classes are spread all throughout the world. There is more help than you realize. Anger management classes are being held all around you. I hope this helps!!!
http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/anger_management.php
http://www.recovery-world.com/Anger-Management.html
Anger Management Hotline 1-800-621-HOPE (4673)
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