Did My Man Try To Smoke Me Out Of My Apartment?

      I had gotten used to doing everything alone. Even though I was in a relationship, I considered myself a single mother who worked hard to provide for my family the best way I knew how. It wasn't easy balancing two jobs, college classes and a four year old who was starved for attention 24/7, but I managed to make it work. I hardly slept a wink so I could keep up my grades for school. My daughter's father was constantly in and out of jail her entire life and now he was out and about on another crack binge so needless to say I didn't have his support like I should have. He never brought one dollar into our home, but he sure never felt a inch of remorse every time he pick pocketed me every chance he could, knowing it was for our bills and food. He didn't feel enough to care about all I did so we could eat. He just had to chase his next high and nothing was going to stand in the way, not even his only child. I was left to fend for myself.
      I felt so bad tossing my daughter from sitter to sitter, but I had to tell myself I was doing this for her. I spent midnights chasing my dream in the studio working on various albums because singing was my only outlet. My music was the only way I could express what I was going through at home without actually coming out and saying it, things I just couldn't tell anyone. My little brother was on drugs as well and I was constantly trying hard to drag him out of crack houses 3 and 4 nights a week, but every time I would help pay his debt, it only enabled him to keep going back for more. I was losing him too and I hardly had a relationship with my parents. Life was a bit lonely, but my little girl became my best friend in my time of need, holding me and loving me every chance she could.
     I had already been living with my daughter's father on and off for nearly 4 years now. His abusive hands arranged my first eviction from my first home so now I was living in a high rise that was infested with an abundance of bedbugs and crime. It was the only place available that would move me in within 30 days for a cheap price, but I quickly learned I would have to watch my surroundings. I hated having to fear my own environment, but there was nothing I could do. We cannot choose where we reside sometimes. Sometimes your just lucky to have a roof and running water and I felt blessed for those small things.
     I had already begun to fear the love of my life and now I couldn't even walk out my own door. A lot of rapes, robberies and stabbings took place in our apartment complex that I was not made aware of when I signed a two year lease, but we were dealing with it. Most of the time the elevators were down and the bangers in the area loved to hang in the stairwell smoking weed. I had no choice but to carry my sleepy four year old up 14 flights of stairs so I always made sure I packed mace and a hunting knife with a sharpened blade. I would never let anyone hurt my daughter.
    I had recently kicked out my partner again. This time it was because his drug habit had escalated. He was becoming more and more violent against me and the bruises were becoming more and more apparent. He kept stealing money, my jewelry and my only means of transportation. It just got to be too much. I was literally getting physically ill from all the stress I carried on my shoulders. He kept calling repeatedly begging to see me, but I resisted. He would pound on my apartment doors for sometimes hours at a time, but I would fail to answer. I just couldn't take it anymore. I loved him, but enough was enough. But he refused to give up. My mother always said he seemed like the kind of man that would rather have me dead than to be seen happy with another man. If he couldn't have me then no one would.
   It was around 9:00 at night when the smoke detectors went off in the hallway outside my apartment door. I quickly jumped off of the couch and poked my head outside my door only to be engulfed with a large cloud of gray smoke. All I could see were the tips of the flames and it was obvious that the fire was starting to spread at the end of the hallway near the elevators. I closed the door, threw on some more appropriate attire and grabbed a blanket large enough to wrap around my child so she couldn't inhale the smoke. Thank goodness the emergency exit was located to the left of my apartment door.
    I grabbed my baby, wrapped her entire body tight and made my way to the exit leading to the stairwell. I could see the flames approaching our apartment but I had made it just in time. My lungs were scorched from breathing in all the smoke and I couldn't stop coughing until I made my way down to the first floor. Other occupants living in the building were starting to pile up in the lobby area with their children in hand. The fire department had arrived in a timely manner and one by one they were doing what they had to do to put the flames out. I was scared, but at least my baby girl was oblivious to the whole incident.
   Minutes later my boyfriend had appeared out of nowhere with a stank smile plastered to his face. My heart jumped out of my chest. I couldn't help but think to myself " Did he just smoke me out of my own home? Did he just put mine, our child's and other innocent lives in danger so he could see me?" No, he couldn't have. This must have been a crazy coincidence." But then he spoke in a low tone, "Now will you talk to me?" I was in shock. I was scared and I wanted nothing more that to get away from this man for good.
   The fire department eventually allowed all of us to return to our homes. They announced that an individual had lit the garbage bags in the hallway on fire, my hallway. Sometimes people were to lazy to actually throw their garbage away inside the trash chute so instead they stacked it outside of the door where it would sit and rot until the maintenance threw it out properly. My man lit those bags on fire and he did it to get my attention. I lived on the seventh floor and he didn't think about the possibility of me not being able to escape? Or maybe that was the point. He didn't want me to escape.
    I tried to flee up the stairs with my daughter in my hands, but he followed close behind. I just couldn't run fast enough. I was screaming at him to leave us alone, but he was trailing close behind running up two steps at a time. When I got to my door, I tried to unlock it as fast as I could but he was right behind me shoving me into the apartment. I screamed and kicked as he tried to knock me and my daughter down, but a fire fighter came to my rescue. He just so happened to be on my floor containing the burnt area when he heard my screams. Luckily it scared my daughters father off and he fled down the exit stairs. I wouldn't get beat this time!
    The fire fighter tried to console me, but there was nothing he could have said that would have fixed my mind or my heart at that moment. The man I loved tried to kill me and my daughter again!! I did everything I could to end the relationship after that, but it wasn't easy. He had this hold on me that couldn't be explained. We put up with too much from the people who won't do a single thing for us and what's best for us in return. He ended up setting my floor on fire four more times after the first initial incident, which eventually led to full investigation and my eviction from the apartment complex.
    I just couldn't get rid of him and once again he made me lose everything I had ever worked for. He stalked me repeatedly until he beat me so bad to where he ended up going to jail to serve a 8 month sentence. I was on the look for another home because of him. I just couldn't understand why a man who claimed to love me so much would inflict so much pain on me. I also couldn't understand why I let him.
    CPS removed my daughter due to his abuse towards me, I was homeless and he ended up selling my car for crack, which led me to losing my job. I was living out of garbage bags, but thank goodness a friend eventually found me a place to stay so I didn't have to stay at a shelter. I had to start all over again, but this is where you have to start. You have to look at all the bad that he creates around you and you have to say that it is enough. Life is not supposed to be this way. I deserved more and so did my daughter. Do you want to know what happened? Stay tuned for more. For another piece to my puzzle of pain....Just know you are worth so much more! This does not have to be the life you are fighting for!