Trust is not easily given, but it is everything to us. If we do not trust you, we will not let you beyond a certain point. Our wall is tall, wide and built of stone. Trying to break through such strength is nearly impossible to those who make a genuine attempt to care. People are begging for our attention and yet we cannot trust them enough to give them a piece of ourselves. We ask ourselves "What do they want from me? Everyone has to want something in return right?"
The pain is unbearable. What we have suffered has damaged our trust and our intuition of who or who not to trust, therefore we trust no one! Everything within us feels broken and trying to glue ourselves back together is a challenge. We want love. Hell we crave to be touched, but we are not going to give you our heart without a fight.
After a woman suffers such trauma, we refrain to acknowledge a helping hand, especially if we were struck by someone we grew to love and trust without another thought. It is not an easy task to heal after direct or indirect abuse. A man has hurt us, beat us, threatened us and talk us down to the filthy floors. He has controlled our assets, our mind and our sense of freedom. It is not easy to let anyone in after this.
My father always made so many promises that he never lived up too. He still does to this day and he still fails to remember my birthday. At times, our trust starts here. It starts with our own fathers because they are the male figures in our lives. He is the one to teach me what I should expect from a man. If he teaches me nothing, then I have learned nothing. So when a man sweeps me off my feet who pretends to be someone he is not I become entangled in his lies. I loved someone who should have been the one I passed by, but I ignored the signs and kept on loving him anyway.
It is funny how we often choose the bad boys over the good. It always seems to play out that way. It not easy trusting a man to begin with, but after we walk away from an abusive situation we cannot take out our anger on the next man we grow to love. It takes time to get back to way we used to behave and sometimes there is no going back what so ever. It is important to be cautious yes, but shutting down completely because of one man's mistake only hurts you in the end.
Not everybody wants something in return. As a woman we run in to a sea of pigs who expect sexual favors in return when they are nice to us. It doesn't even have to be sexual. We have friends that swarm us that will hardly go out of their way for us and it's sad. A true friend would never ask for anything. My point is, is there are good people out here and in order to experience the goodness people have to offer, we have to trust somewhat.
It took me four years to trust again after my abusive relationship. Everyone around me had suffered, as well as my new partner. It is not something we intend on doing. We do not close ourselves off on purpose and it's hard for people to understand the things we have been through. It is best to always talk about the trauma you have experienced, especially if you plan on dating again.
I am not suggesting you break out your past on the first or second date. But if you do see a future with someone new, it is important that they understand your actions as well as your emotions. We may act a certain way or close ourselves off unintentionally and we do not want them to think they did something wrong.
Sometimes men just don't understand us and it is important for us to express those feelings if we care about them. Pushing a man away is not going to help you nor will it help you find love in the right place. Lets say your making love with a new partner and he grabs your neck as a way to sexually seduce you. He is not trying to hurt you, but you push him away and refuse to speak on it. He is not going to understand that your ex used to grab you by your neck out of anger. Your new partner deserves an explanation so that he does not grab your neck during foreplay ever again. Communication is everything.
Trust is everything in a relationship and even though one man caused us to lose that trust doesn't mean we cannot work on getting that back. We have to work on ourselves and we have to heal from we have endured. Otherwise we will fail to let anyone worth of being in our presence in. Even though we met one man who hurt us, doesn't mean all men are the same. There is a man out there for you who will love you the way you deserve to be loved. We have to learn how to trust in that love, in faith and in ourselves. You deserve to experience what is real.
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