The Potty Mouth Princesses are Breaking the Silence

      These viral videos are getting everyone talking about Domestic Violence and Feminism! People love it and people hate it! How do you feel about little girls being the messengers of this content? Yes the videos may not be as tasteful as most commercials are regarding violence and equality against women, but the point is to get you talking and I think it's working!!! The director behind these videos is intentionally trying to raise awareness on physical abuse. His goal was to make you see that every victim is someone's little girl, someone's princess and this is what happens when a man hurts her.
      The campaign was created for a non-profit advocacy organization promoting sexual, racial and gender equity through the sale of clothing. All the proceeds for the F-Bomb tee shirts are all going to women and men who are victims of violence. These little girls are paid actors whose mother's are very proud that their child's voice is being heard for such great cause.
      One of the mother's Luke Montgomery stated "The whole idea was using a bad word for a good cause to get people's attention," explained Montgomery. "A lot of people are focusing on that we use the 'F' word in this video… The reason we did use the 'F' word is because we want people to focus on statistics like one out of five women will be raped or sexually assaulted in their lifetime, or the fact that women and men doing the exact same job, the woman gets paid 23 percent less than men. In 2014, that's what's shocking, not the 'F' word."
   You have to admit that this was a good idea because it immediately caught your attention. No we may not like them, but at least people are speaking up and demanding that we will not take this anymore! We will no longer tolerate Domestic Violence! Click on the link below to get to The Potty Mouth Princesses on YouTube!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNXvduPr4Mw

No More Secrets, No More Lies!

 

     I know we all know what it is like to keep a secret. That is something we all have in common. We at times feel as if we need to lie to our family, our friends and to ourselves without even realizing why. In the beginning I am sure we all felt the same deep love and infatuation for the man who had stolen our heart. We all believed he was "The One." We adjusted comfortably within the honeymoon stage, yearning to make love each and every night, pacing for him to call and begging for him to stay. But one day it all changed. We were tricked into thinking he was someone he was not and now we are up against the wall. We are seeing a different side, a side we would never expect to accept, but love will make you do the unimaginable.
   We had already bragged to the about how great our man is and how lucky we are to have found true love at last. So how can we let our friends and families know he is a woman beater and that we still love him? It sounds ridiculous when we say it out loud, but we all understand one another here so there is no judgment. We can't tell them! They will just look at us crazy and tell us to leave them. They will never understand! In our minds we think the abuse is only temporary. We think he is going to change at any moment because maybe we are just having a rough time now.  Heck we can make him change and we will do what ever we need to do to make it happen. We need to be there and be strong for our men right?
    I had these same thoughts as you do now. I thought supporting my man and trying to change him would bring the love back. If he didn't hit me in the beginning he can surely stop right? Well it took me six years to finally get it. It doesn't stop because he doesn't want to stop. He wants to continue using you as a doormat and a punching bag when ever he wants to shed blame. He is blaming you for all the wrong in his life and he knows you will take it. When abusers vent they usually vent and abuse the one they feel most comfortable with. They know you will not call the police or run and tell someone. They know you will keep their secret.
   It isn't fair that you were forced to tell such lies. It is embarrassing to admit who your boyfriend/husband is when no one's eyes are on you. You are not the type of person who would take this but you have and you have kept it to yourself out of fear. Fear of criticism from outsiders or maybe fear of what he might do if you told a soul.
   I was ashamed to admit what I was accepting. I was afraid to be alone and I was afraid my daughter would lose her father. I was overtaken with fear and rejection so I suppressed the pain and made an attempt to go on with my life. We would have our good days and we would have our bad. The bad ones were really, really bad. So bad I had nightmares for years, so bad I would flinch at any sudden close movements, so bad that I couldn't trust anyone. We all live through the bad and some of us are still living it today.
   For those of you women who have stayed, I just want to tell you how strong you are for putting up with such trauma. I also want to share with you how great it is after that pain is long gone. I know at times we feel we deserve it, but why? Why do we feel that we deserve to be hit and kicked and strangled over nonsense? Why? We keep asking ourselves why because we are trying to justify his actions and we cannot so we just blame ourselves when the blame is pointed in the wrong direction. No one deserves to be kicked down to the ground and neither do you.
    I could tell you to leave, but then so can many others. I cannot tell you anything. You have to know in your heart that you deserve to be treated as an equal, as a woman and as a person. You have the right to speak up and to get mad and to feel whatever it is that you are feeling. You have rights and he is stripping you of those rights as a human being. I am telling you, you are beautiful, strong, independent loving women! I am telling you! I am a stranger yes, but I understand what you are feeling.
     I understand your thoughts and emotions and I understand what hell feels like and this is it! This is hell...abuse is hell! We have been lying and covering up their behavior for so long we can't even recognize ourselves in the mirror anymore. They have changed who were are and we shouldn't have to change the better part of ourselves because someone else feels like dumping their load on us for no reason. We chose to fall in love and we chose to explore our options, but we did not choose this life. We didn't choose to be in the physical, mental and emotional pain he causes us everyday we open our eye lids. We deserve to be happy.
   I know that is what you really desire and I know all you want is for this one man to be desired again. If only he would stop these few things you could have your fairytale, but he is not choosing to do so. It's a tough realization to accept. Knowing that the one person you love won't change breaks us in more than one way, but that is the truth we have to face before it kills us. His words and actions are killing us more and more each day and it only takes one time to end your life for good. I wouldn't want to trade my life for that. I wouldn't want to take that chance.
    I took that chance and I chose to stick it out and to live with it because I was too weak to let him go for good. We can part days and weeks, but to part forever tears in half. The thought alone destroys us, but I promise you what you think is love now is not what love is. Love is more than this. Love is unconditional and love doesn't hurt us with words or their fists. Love doesn't put us down, call us names or make us feel as if we are their one mistake in life. Love is support and trust and love would never intend on hurting us as an act of revenge.
    I never knew what love was until I really experienced it. My first love abused me for six years. All I ever knew wasn't love at all until I met a real man who showed me. I invited him into my past and I talked about all the things I endured with love. In the six years we have been together he has showed me more than I ever read in fairytales. He supported me through my hardships, trust issues and nightmares. He has shown me what a real father is to his children and he would never lay a hand nor a nasty word in my direction.
     I never thought it was possible, but it is. There are knight in shining armors that can be there to support you, honor you and to love you unconditionally. I cannot convince you to believe me, but I hope my stories can shed some light in your life. There is hope! Aren't you tired of fighting? Lying and keeping secrets? I know I am and I know I'll never let it happen again. Sometimes love just isn't enough. There has to be more. Don't keep his secret anymore! It's time to speak up and it's time to live! You do not have to be ashamed of anything. No more secrets and no more lies! Say it with me sister...NO MORE SECRETS AND NO MORE LIES! Love thyself!

My Daughter Shouldn't Suffer From My Mistakes

     It's hard to admit that I let my daughter suffer when she didn't have too. She had to live through my mistakes and witness the abuse I suffered at the hands of her own father. I was young, a teenager in love and I had gotten pregnant 8 months into a relationship I thought would last forever. Her father had portrayed a person he failed to become. His words and promises heighted my hopes, the exact way my own father's promises used too. I wanted to rely on someone other than myself for once because my father had let me down in the past, but I couldn't rely on the one man I chose to love.
     He told me he was going to work as hard as he could to take care of his new family when he got the news that I was pregnant. But as the time flew by his body failed to lift from his parents couch. My stomach started to grow by the month and I was working full-time in a factory so I could afford our own apartment for when the baby arrived. I shortly started to realize I was all alone and would be the entire pregnancy. I barely received a foot rub, let alone some financial support. Knowing the obvious still didn't give me enough strength to break it off. I thought he would change and I believed in him. I believed he could be better and he told me he would try.
     I didn't want my daughter to live without a father. I knew what it was like to grow up without one so I made excuses on why I should stay. When he started hitting me I told myself I could suffer this much so she could have a father. In my mind I stayed for my child, but at the same time I really didn't want to be alone. At the time I wasn't very close with my family. The only person I really clicked with was my little brother and he was on crack. He was all I felt I had and he was there for me when I needed him at the time.
     Nothing was more important than for my daughter to have her father there as she came in to the world. He was floating in the clouds as he held her in his arms for the first time and at that moment I knew he would change. The problem was, was my brother introduced him to crack. Now he was a woman beater, a drug addict and father without a job. He lived off of me and in return I had someone to confide in to. He was a full time babysitter when he wasn't going off to jail or on a drug binge. I couldn't afford all our bills and a sitter at the same time. I was on welfare for crying out loud! He was a decent father when he chose to be, but in all honesty he was never really there enough to be a great one.
    As the years went by, he was more and more absent. He was never a father and he never not once worked so he could surprise his child with a Christmas, Easter or birthday gift. I would always buy something and stick his name on it. She saw him hit me, strangle me, kick me, yell at me and he once used her as a human shield so my brother wouldn't beat him up. He punched me as I held her in my arms over not letting him use my cell phone. He did so much damage to her and I didn't even realize it.
    I thought she would be too young to remember. I thought I was doing what was best for her as long as he treated her like an angel, which he always did compared to how he treated me. I was too young to realize why Child Protective Services took her away from me when he beat me to death. I thought I was being punished for being a victim. They should have helped me instead of taking the one thing in my life that I loved. I did everything for my baby and put her first in all that I did. I tried to leave her dad, but he would follow me, stalk me and bang on the doors at odd hours in the middle of the night.
    I thought I was in love and I thought I could change him, help him and save him from his pain. I tried to do my best and in doing so I nearly died. I tried to make him a great father when I should have turned my back. But aren't you supposed to stand by and help the ones you love? Yes I did do that and any woman would. But it had been nearly 6 years and nothing changed. I had to wake up and I had to do what was right for me and my child.
    He went to Prison for 2 years and we left. We didn't write, accept calls and I was working hard to get my daughter back from the mess he caused. I was working hard to heal myself and trying to help my daughter heal from his absence, but she only spiraled out of control. By 5th grade she was getting suspended every other week. She was stealing, lying, fighting and she grew an attitude the size of Jupiter.
    No matter what I did for her nothing could replace the hole in her heart that he had created. After 11 years he decided to become a real father. He got out of Prison, got a job, a nice girlfriend and a stable home for my daughter to visit. He started paying child support and I couldn't not let my daughter see him. She begged me to see him and now she is staying with him temporarily so they can bond.
   This is not something I am fond of. I miss my daughter so much, but I know she just wants to learn who her father is. Her grades have gone up, but her attitude has gotten worse. She blames me for everything and if she only knew the truth, she would be too young to understand it. Right now we are in counseling trying to resolve her pain, but her pain wouldn't be this bad if I had left him! I do feel at fault although I shouldn't because I really did all I could with the resources I had to raise a child so young. I went without for years so she could have everything.
    This is what a mother is supposed to do. She is supposed to give the world to her daughter, but if could rewind back time I never would have let her see the things that she once saw. She says she doesn't remember, but I know she has tried to suppress those memories. She has so much anger for her father, but she chooses not to reveal it for fear he might leave her again. He calls me and acts like he is the father of the year because she is doing well in school now and didn't when I had her and it makes me want to puke, but what can I do?
   I will do anything for my child! I made this decision for her as long as she is in a stable environment and there is no abuse going on. So far everything is going well and it is only temporarily, but I am missing my daughter so much. I just wish I could take her pain away, but I cannot take back the decisions I once made. I want her to be happy and for her to feel normal, but at times she lashes out and throws tantrums that can hardly be controlled.
     I know we all think our kids won't suffer as long as they are not being abused, but that just simply isn't true. I am living, breathing proof and my daughter is suffering mentally and emotionally from the environment she once lived in. She wants me and her dad to get back together, but that will never happen. I guess all kids have wished that who have lived through a divorce or separation of some sort. They wish things would go back to normal, but there is no normal in this situation of mine.
    That man tried to break me and lost. I lost everything, including my trust and self esteem, but the love I received from the man I am dating now has changed my life forever. I am more in love than I have ever been and he would never harm me, even with his words. I have been blessed and my daughter cares for him deeply, but her daddy has been her focus lately. We are trying to repair the damage her dad had caused many years ago and I am afraid we will be too late if nothing changes soon.
    My daughter has even thought of suicide at 11 years old. She has tried to jump out of a moving car and she has made unimaginable threats to me, her mother, the one who has been here fighting for her the entire time, while her father was off having the time of his life. But the counselor says people lash out on those who they feel most comfortable with and I am trying to stay positive. She lashes out on me and her step father, the man who has been her father figure for most of her life and it hurts so bad.
    I am not giving up on her and I am doing everything I can to save her from her thoughts. We are trying to do everything we can to heal her. The point of this story is, is if you are going through what already transpired in my life PLEASE stop and think before you let the man stay. I know your in love and your children will say mean things, but nothing is more detrimental than letting a child suffer by watching her mom being abused.
    Letting a man walk in and out, in and out is not healthy. It's honestly better to part ways until he has changed and I don't mean he says he has changed. I mean you actually see the changes in his actions. I thought I was doing what was best, but I was young and stupid. I actually thought this man was the love of my life. I thought we would be together forever and have more children, but things change, plans change and I have changed. I am stronger than I have ever been and I need to use my strength to help my daughter find hers. I need to help before it is too late. Please learn from my story and don't let the kids live what my daughter lived through.

Quote of the Day

Forgiveness is Meant to Help you Move On

 

Forgiveness is not for them, forgiving someone(from within yourself) for what horrible things they did to you is for you!

Forgiving is an important part in the healing process as a survivor of domestic violence so you can move on with living a happy and healthy life.

Forgiving is not always easy, nor should it be done to benefit the one who caused you harm or pain.

Forgiveness is beneficial for you

so you can take back the power he once stole.

He will no longer have control over you again because you are far from his grip, but if you never forgive, he will never leave your thoughts.

Your hatred, anger and resentment will remain, pulling you down to floor.

Love will be nearly impossible to obtain.

Forgiving is not for them, forgiveness is for you!

If I can forgive my abuser, you can do it too!



Self Medicating the Abuse Away

  

  
     I never dealt with pain very well. I never tried to deal with pain at all. Every time negativity impacted my life I made a choice to shut down and suppress all the unwanted feelings beneath me. I'd pretend as if nothing ever happened, but then something else would occur worsening the damage that had already been inflicted. In reality, I was being abused. I would go about my day smiling in front of the world as if my life was impeccable when in all actuality I was dying inside. I was ready to burst like a ticking time bomb and I needed to cope. The only way I thought I could do that was with drugs and alcohol.
    I drank and drugged myself for nearly a decade to forget. Forget a childhood packed with consistent mental, emotional and physical abuse and a six year relationship that kicked me down and punched me till I was blue in the face, among other things. No one is blessed with the perfect life, but we all handle stress in our own ways and I handled stress by zoning out and partying when the world slept. Everything was great until I started blacking out. I was taken in a car jacking (from which I escaped), I was arrested multiple times for drinking and driving and I woke up in a man's bed I know I never consented having sex with.
    Bad things happen when you are not fully aware of your surroundings and under the influence. No one ever taught me how to handle stress appropriately and in my mind I always thought I had things under control. I thought I was ok, but looking back on a life filled with so much chaos, I should have stepped away and researched some help rather then to self medicate myself through my abusive relationship.
    So much was going on in my life to where I felt the need to disappear so I decided to disappear mentally. I clogged my thoughts with a consistent dose of dopamine thinking I had found the answer to my prayers, but I was wrong. The high was no longer the intense euphoria I had discovered in the beginning, which only led to me ingesting more toxins till I became ill from obvious overdosing. My tolerance had built and my sadness remained. I could no longer chase my bad thoughts away and I had to learn how to deal with them on my own straight faced and sober.
     I was in love though and when your in love, no one can tell you anything. But I was killing myself so I could deal with my relationship. I couldn't live a day without being sober. I was a high drunk and yet I was functional. I could work, go to school full time, take care of a child and take the back seat in between. I was a functional addict, as some would call it. Then I got into legal trouble.
     That legal trouble helped me seek the help I needed for not only my addiction, but for my past as well as my present abuse. It changed my life, my perspective and it helped me learn how to deal with stress appropriately. I am forever grateful for the help I received as well the support I had in order to leave my abuser for good. Leaving made me a better person and it made me realize how abused I really was inside and out. You don't realize it till you have been gone from it for quite some time and you learn how to heal without fear.
     If this is you, you are not alone in this. I know hoe difficult it is to cope with an abusive relationship. The man makes you crazy, angry, deranged, conflicted, pitiful and at times can make you want to die. His words hit like a pack of razorblades because it is coming from the one man you grew to love so much, someone you trusted to love you back unconditionally and failed miserably. He not only failed, but made it your fault. Everything is your fault, even his past is your fault.
   The truth is, is there is nothing you did to make the man who he is. He was that way before you fell in love with him. He just hid it very well, pretending he was Casanova when he is far from it. I promise you that drinking and drugging your thoughts away will never help. It may seem like it will at first, but then he hits you again and calls you worthless again. He will always do what he said he will never do again, AGAIN. His ways have blinded you from seeing what is really there and there is nothing you can change.
    There is no point in killing yourself by self medicating your pain away because there are always ways to help you with what it is you are going through. There is so much we all have in common...we loved the wrong man and we are paying for it in ways we never imagined. All we need is the strength to leave. You are a woman who deserves more than what you have received. Don't drown out your thoughts the way I used too. I have a hard time remembering the good memories because I was too focused on blocking out all the bad ones. I have forgotten most of my past and yet I still remember every single bad thing that ever happened to me. It didn't work for me nor will it work for you.
     You have too much potential to throw it away and I have lost too many friends to drugs. I have lost several friends to heroin overdoses, to a suicide caused by drugs and I lost friends as well as my baby brother to prison because of drugs. I have had friends murdered because of drugs.
    My brother was my best friend and I lived ten years of trying to save him. Id pull him out of crack houses 3 to 4 nights a week, Id pay his debts so he wouldn't get hurt and I was there by his side when he was shot from stealing crack from his dealer. It is painful living with an addict and loving an addict nearly killed me. There is nothing to gain from this. There is only loss. Trust me! My abuser was an addict and I almost died.
     Thank God I am still here to tell you. If you are in my shoes just know there is help you can seek, there are support groups and counselors free of charge and there are treatment centers that will help those financially unstable. There is always a way. But there is only a way if you are ready to quit, otherwise it will never work. You have to be willing to change and there are always people standing by ready to help you when you do. Just never give up! 


Find Alcoholics and Narcotics anonymous meetings all around the world by clicking on the link below....Find a meeting near you!
http://meetings.intherooms.com/

 If you are seeking treatment, please call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration's (SAMHSA) National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Service at 1–800–662–HELP (4357) for information on hotlines, counseling services, or treatment options in your State. Drug treatment programs by State also may be found online at www.findtreatment.samhsa.gov.

What is Trust to us?

  

    Trust is not easily given, but it is everything to us. If we do not trust you, we will not let you beyond a certain point. Our wall is tall, wide and built of stone. Trying to break through such strength is nearly impossible to those who make a genuine attempt to care. People are begging for our attention and yet we cannot trust them enough to give them a piece of ourselves. We ask ourselves "What do they want from me? Everyone has to want something in return right?" 
     The pain is unbearable. What we have suffered has damaged our trust and our intuition of who or who not to trust, therefore we trust no one! Everything within us feels broken and trying to glue ourselves back together is a challenge. We want love. Hell we crave to be touched, but we are not going to give you our heart without a fight.
     After a woman suffers such trauma, we refrain to acknowledge a helping hand, especially if we were struck by someone we grew to love and trust without another thought. It is not an easy task to heal after direct or indirect abuse. A man has hurt us, beat us, threatened us and talk us down to the filthy floors. He has controlled our assets, our mind and our sense of freedom. It is not easy to let anyone in after this.
     My father always made so many promises that he never lived up too. He still does to this day and he still fails to remember my birthday. At times, our trust starts here. It starts with our own fathers because they are the male figures in our lives. He is the one to teach me what I should expect from a man. If he teaches me nothing, then I have learned nothing. So when a man sweeps me off my feet who pretends to be someone he is not I become entangled in his lies. I loved someone who should have been the one I passed by, but I ignored the signs and kept on loving him anyway.
     It is funny how we often choose the bad boys over the good. It always seems to play out that way. It not easy trusting a man to begin with, but after we walk away from an abusive situation we cannot take out our anger on the next man we grow to love. It takes time to get back to way we used to behave and sometimes there is no going back what so ever. It is important to be cautious yes, but shutting down completely because of one man's mistake only hurts you in the end.
     Not everybody wants something in return. As a woman we run in to a sea of pigs who expect sexual favors in return when they are nice to us. It doesn't even have to be sexual. We have friends that swarm us that will hardly go out of their way for us and it's sad. A true friend would never ask for anything. My point is, is there are good people out here and in order to experience the goodness people have to offer, we have to trust somewhat.
    It took me four years to trust again after my abusive relationship. Everyone around me had suffered, as well as my new partner. It is not something we intend on doing. We do not close ourselves off on purpose and it's hard for people to understand the things we have been through. It is best to always talk about the trauma you have experienced, especially if you plan on dating again.
     I am not suggesting you break out your past on the first or second date. But if you do see a future with someone new, it is important that they understand your actions as well as your emotions. We may act a certain way or close ourselves off unintentionally and we do not want them to think they did something wrong. 
    Sometimes men just don't understand us and it is important for us to express those feelings if we care about them. Pushing a man away is not going to help you nor will it help you find love in the right place. Lets say your making love with a new partner and he grabs your neck as a way to sexually seduce you. He is not trying to hurt you, but you push him away and refuse to speak on it. He is not going to understand that your ex used to grab you by your neck out of anger. Your new partner deserves an explanation so that he does not grab your neck during foreplay ever again. Communication is everything.
    Trust is everything in a relationship and even though one man caused us to lose that trust doesn't mean we cannot work on getting that back. We have to work on ourselves and we have to heal from we have endured. Otherwise we will fail to let anyone worth of being in our presence in. Even though we met one man who hurt us, doesn't mean all men are the same. There is a man out there for you who will love you the way you deserve to be loved. We have to learn how to trust in that love, in faith and in ourselves. You deserve to experience what is real.