"First Post" Surviving past Survival

     I despise being called a victim, but that is exactly what I was. I was a victim to this man every single day in the six years he beat me, strangled me, spit on me, cheated on me and stole everything I ever worked for so we could survive in the projects. I do not like to be pitied by those who just do not understand what it is like to love and hate someone all at the same time, but it comes with the territory. I didn’t have a father to teach me what a real man stood for or a mother to teach me how to value myself.

      I learned by making mistakes and this just so happened to be my best mistake ever. Staying with a man who loved drugs more than his woman or child made me bitter over time. For six years I never left his side, even when the police officers dragged him back to jail again and again I still stayed loyal, sending him letters of love and commitment every week . What I thought was love was not even close to the real thing. I may be a victim, but I am learning to survive past the day he nearly ended my life in front of our four year old daughter.

    I"ll never forget that moment, but I am a survivor. But surviving is more than leaving. Surviving is learning to live past the memories that torment your thoughts and dreams on a daily basis.  Talking, sharing and communicating our deepest secrets is not an easy task. It is rather humiliating to think that a real woman would ever put up with such nonsense, but we did. And there are still women who are still suffering to this day who refuse to let go out of fear. Fear of abandonment, fear of losing our child’s father or just fear of the repercussions.

     This blog is meant as a support system for those who do not have the support they so desperately need at home.  We are only a few clicks away. I will share my own experiences as well as anything I feel the need to express at that moment in time. We deserve to be heard and domestic violence is a subject that most would rather stay behind closed doors, but I refuse to let that happen! We will not be judging here because my goal is to develop a sisterhood. Every day I will write and if you choose to comment or reveal a story please do so. Today we are learning how to survive past surviving.  How do we become ourselves again? It takes time ladies, but I promise you….it is possible. We won’t be who we were before the abuse, but I guarantee you, the fight will only make us stronger.