Let go and let yourself be loved

  

      I never thought I could love again. The love I once knew wasn't love to begin with, but at the ripe age of 19, the crazy, knock down, drag out, undeniable passion was all the love I had ever tasted. Growing up with a father that loved so little from a distance only drove me into the unknown land of pain and promiscuity. Skipping with a smile, going from guy to guy with the only intention of being a man. That being, I was playing the one game that was always intended to be played on us, the women that lived to day dream about "The One". I made an attempt only to receive the little bit of attention I needed for the evening and then I would move on...on good terms of course. I always made it known to them that there would be nothing more than this one brief encounter. I broke a lot of hearts that way, but the truth is, I really didn't know how to love someone. I didn't know how to trust, let alone let them tear down my walls so they could invade my bubble. Instead, I put chicken wire around my heart and stayed focused on the task I was striving for at the time. But then I connected.
     Now how I connected with the only man on earth that could cause more harm then good is beyond me. I had passed up so many good ones and yet, I just tossed them to the side for some irrelevant reason. At times I really think I just wanted someone who understood me, who could relate to my upbringing and most of all I really believed I was in love for the very first time. We all remember how deep our love ran for our first loves. It was the "I'll jump in front of a bullet kind of love," but when things got hard, he ran, he did drugs, he cheated and most of all he started to blame me for his upbringing.
     For the first time, I had poured out my heart and soul and he used me like a soiled boot to a welcome mat. I went to extraordinary lengths to make him see what a great, talented young man he was. I even filled the Christmas tree up with gifts because he almost always never had a Christmas as a child, but I couldn't fix what was broken within him. I paid all the bills when he couldn't (or wouldn't I should say) work, I made sure we had a roof over our heads with heat and running water and I tried to love him to my best ability, but my love nor anything else I attempted would ever be enough.
    The worst part is, we planned a child together at a very young age and yet he left us to fend on our own during his bids in jails as well as his drug binges that lasted days, sometimes weeks. When he would return, our fights would turn physical and my body would take hits that I never imagined I could handle, but I did. I pretended he would change and for years I waited patiently, but nothing could make him realize the gifts he had in front of him. The last blow to my head as well as the body slam that felt as if a UFC fighter was trying to break me into tiny glass pieces, made me change my perspective.
     I felt as if I had no choice. The state threatened to put our daughter in Foster care if I didn't press charges and when I sat on that stand and pointed the finger at the one I had once loved, they still took away my daughter as if she was a lost puppy. Before he went to jail he had sold my car for drugs, which led to my unemployment and his criminal actions got me evicted from our apartment. He spent every last dollar of mine on drugs before he blasted me one last time so here I was....the woman who stood by him through it all, left me with nothing. I was homeless, job-less and my daughter was an hour from me....a place where I couldn't take the bus to get to her. I was missing her life and I did everything that I knew was right.....except I didn't leave.
        Not leaving, cost me everything I had ever worked for, it cost me my daughter and it nearly costed me my life. I felt numb.....actually I don't even think words could describe how broken I was and I was alone.

Now.....would you ever think I could love again? Could I actually start over after going through all that drama and pain for close to a decade? I didn't believe I could no. I just dove myself into starting over from nothing. I tried to remain optimistic and I worked everyday with the full intention on getting my daughter back. I managed to remain in college and I started working on music as a way to express myself. The drive I had in order to sing to the world all the experiences I had endured became therapeutic for me. Nothing felt as good as singing on stage in front of so many people....nothing.
       My producer became my best friend, a shoulder to cry on and he found me a one bedroom flat to stay in so I didn't have to live in a shelter. There are people that can surprise you when you are drowning in the saltiest of all waters....angels really do exist. My producer introduced me to my future husband....a man I believed was out of my depth because he was a really decent man and bad boys have always called my name. But not this time...this time was different and his smile just melted my heart in two.
     Our friendship started to grow and as we became closer, I started to step back. I made him love me and then I tried to push him away, thinking he deserved more, more than a washed up, broken, broke alcoholic with a shit storm of problems. No one deserved to inherit all that chaos, but no matter how many times I tried to push him away, no matter how many times I made it clear I couldn't trust him, he still stayed....and he stayed because he knew I deserved love too, no matter what I went through before. I had changes to make, therapy to attend and most of all I had to quit drinking everyday, which I would do to ease the pain of the past. He made me chose him and for all the right reasons.
     Together, we bonded through my healing process, which took 3 whole years to stop the nightmares....this man stayed with me when I put him though so much pain because I couldn't get over what had been done to me. I feared his love and ultimately I feared he would leave me, but he never did. He is still here today and we have grown into such a powerful couple together. We have a son together and our love is deeper than I ever thought love could explore. The truth is, I really never knew love at all until my lips met his. Love is trust, support and it is supposed to be the beginning of a life long journey with twists and turns that put a smile on your face. Love isn't abuse and love does not call me Bitch when he is angry.
     I never thought I would feel such pride and happiness as I live out my chaotic life by the day. We still have bills that at times we cannot reach, we have moments where life is so busy we can't even make love like we used too. stress hits us like any other couple, but having someone by your side who remains loving and optimistic is such a gift. I cannot stress over bills and rush hour traffic because I already lived through the worst. Now I am living everyday with a smile on my face no matter what the day may bring. Not everything is perfect by far and everyday I always wish for just a little more time to sit and hug my man close, but when you have to work early and the kids have to be to school on time....extending time just isn't realistic.
      The point I am trying to make is simple...we all struggle, we all work, we all have children, we all go to school and we all go through the repetition each day to make big things happen in our futures. What is the point on building a future if you are building one with a man who hardly respects you. How can you see a future with daily kicks to the back or slaps the face? He calls you a bitch? a slut? and a whore? Can he possibly try to make you feel any worse?
     I lived this....I lived this pain everyday and I never smiled. I wasn't happy and yet I was forcing something that just wasn't going to work...I was on pins and needles praying for God to change the man I held on to for so long, but everyday remained the same. One good days and seven more bad ones to follow....one day cannot possibly make up all the things he did to you to tear you down. I lost everything so that God could lead me to the man who was going to give me everything, including real love. Everything happens for a reason...tragedy gives us a new perspective, in which you can use to drive your determination to make your life better.
     Living everyday not knowing what bad shit may occur this time is not how life is supposed to be. Life is living, laughing and lots and lots of love making with a man you know who will always have your back no matter what! A coward cannot be loved and a coward cannot love you the way you deserve to be loved! Please believe that!

Don't Let Him Take Your Smile

      

      I know it has been too long since I have written. I made a commitment to myself and to those that have taken the time to read my thoughts, feelings and tainted emotions and yet I have been absent. I haven't tried to neglect the audience that has supported me from day one, but sometimes writer's have moments where they are not sure what to say. We all have different lives on the outside and it can be consuming at times. We have moments where we just need to take a minute to re-group and my daughter has been quite ill, but I not forgotten what I started here.
      I wanted to make a connection to those women who have all experienced the same pain as I. A hole that dug so deep in our hearts, we couldn't even see the bigger picture. I chased a dream with a man that never dreamed at all, he just lived from moment to moment and never wanted what I knew I could obtain. My parents were not the type of people to cheer me on to the next phase in life, but I knew I was a strong women with undeniable passion for success.
      Let's just say a relationship hardly survives when one partner wants more in life than the other. I can't possibly strive and have a partner who could care less about goals and life's ambition. I thought our love was unbreakable and a man would try for the woman he loves, but all he tried to do was to get high, beat me and go to jail, a cycle that only repeated itself for 6 long years. You would have thought I would have the sense to realize that he wasn't the right guy for me, but his struggles felt my struggles and we connected.
       I stayed as he let me down again and again. I was faithful even when he would cheat on a regular basis. I was a provider as he continued to sleep in everyday making my resentment obvious on my face. I became a hateful woman, even in public and in front of our mutual friends. I despised the person I was and I was angry, hurt and I was a victim of physical, mental and emotional violence.     
        Being told you are a mistake everyday to the man you take care of, support and honor slowly starts to kill the little light inside of our own smile. I never smiled much when we went out or hung out with our friends, but everybody knew. They knew he was a horrible man to me and most would question how I could even fall for a guy like him, but I am a forgiving person who adores the little things in life our partners show us in secrecy. You hold on to those good moments, praying that they would just occur more often. But they don't. We yell, we fight and now we are injured.
       I look back on all my mistakes and shake my head to the choices I once made, but the truth is, is that I was a loving, forgiving, strong, independent woman and I still am. I just wish I could have had the strength the leave sooner than I did. I waited faithfully every bid in jail he did. I ignored all the missing money and I literally let him hurt me physically and just let him apologize after.
      There eventually comes that time in your relationship where you have to tell your mind, body and spirit that enough is enough. We are weak and tired....very, very tired of crying. We are tired of this all and all you don't care to give me in return for my dedication to our bond. I made you a father and I tried to make you a man, but no woman on earth can do such thing. We cannot teach our men to be men. A man would never live each day with the intention of maliciously hurting the one they claim to love for dear life. That last time I was his girlfriend was the day he nearly ended my life and I have not looked back since.
       If you are living hell every day then maybe you should seek a change. They always tell us that the problem is us, but of course they are going to say that!! Have they ever taken responsibility for their actions? Yeah, maybe....until they just do it again and again until he really hurts us. I was traumatized by his way with words, his humor and lastly I was traumatized indefinitely by his hate for life itself. I was the punching bag as he dealt with his issues and I made it a point to hold it in. There went my willingness to speak on what I endured at home when the world slept. I was silent and then I broke.
      Nervous breakdowns are not suggested, but the stress can literally kill you from the inside, out. I lost a dramatic amount of weight, I became promiscuous and I didn't trust a soul........until I met man number two. The kind of man I thought would never lay eyes on me, but he did and he slowly taught me how to love again. It was a process, a very lengthy process that took years of commitment and strength (on his part).
      The honest truth was, was this man was a good man, a real good man and I tried to make him leave me, I tried to convince him how damaged and broken I was and how I did not deserve his love. I almost gave up my future because I was purposely sabotaging a chance at real love because of what my ex told me I was??? "I was a mistake!" That is what always went through my mind because that is all I ever lived. I never felt free, really free! I never experienced a happiness that extended past a week. Our happiness never stops and I cannot stop thinking how grateful I am to have such an amazing person in my life, the type of person I never thought would love me.
       I went on a date tonight and I took my man out for dinner for his birthday. It was the greatest night of my life...I felt real genuine appreciation for the patience this man had for me to get healthy mentally again. We now have been together for almost 7 years and sometimes I just cannot believe the pain I allowed into my life so long ago. How did I not see it? Why did I stay so long?
       These questions torment me at times, but my man always tells me the past was the past, lets look ahead to our future and let the past motivate us through. (Most people will not understand what we went through and they have a tough time relating to such experiences).
       I know a lot of us have not sought another relationship, or maybe we have, we just keep getting similar results in our taste in men. But we just simply need to change that and tweak that a bit. We get crappy results if we are choosing the same type of guy, but we have a taste and I get that,,,,sometimes we yearn for the bad boys, but I think we had enough bad boy for a lifetime. It took me years to realize that good even men existed, but they do and my man is not perfect by any means but he would never, ever lay a hand on me. He would never disrespect me and he has never once made me feel how I used to feel everyday for six years.
      I just want to shed some hope on your future because you have a future ahead of you and we decide who we will share it with. I can't say that this pain will ever leave you because it never leaves you. Our memories are a constant reminder of the turn of events that played out overtime, but as time ticks on, we will build new memories and create a safe environment for ourselves. We can be whatever it is we what to be....I know it seems hopeless, but it's only hopeless if you give up. We are too strong for that...I mean look at what we went through and we are still here, still standing tall and undefeated.
       The time will slowly start to eat away the pain piece by piece and getting support from friends, family members or even other domestic violence survivors will help with the journey to recovery.
I understand we also may have children by our abusers and it will be tough to face him when visitation begins, but that is only something that can pass with time. Nothing is easy about that. Having a third party involved would be helpful in that process so you do not have to communicate with your ex. Drop the kids off at the third party's destination and he can pick them up. That would be a helpful solution if you can make it happen.
       The point of all of this babbling is simple to me.....I am so appreciative that I have my smile, my safety and my security back. If you see something good in someone, don't try to push them away from your heart. A friend is always good to have near, but when you are ready to move on, a decent man will never be far. I really do believe we have soul-mates, we just have a hard time trying to figure out who they are. We try relationships like we try on shoes...we are looking for the right fit and your other half is out there, more than likely waiting on you to open your heart to him.
       It is never too late to have a little faith and of all the people in the world I believe in your ability to achieve greatness. I am a complete stranger indeed, but I have walked in your shoes and you have walked in mine. Together all we can do is try to push one another forward....forward into our careers, our health, our stability, our families and most of all, we need a gentle push in our trust for others. One man hurt us and he lit us on fire, but that doesn't mean another man cannot put out the burning flame and kiss your wounds.

The Potty Mouth Princesses are Breaking the Silence

      These viral videos are getting everyone talking about Domestic Violence and Feminism! People love it and people hate it! How do you feel about little girls being the messengers of this content? Yes the videos may not be as tasteful as most commercials are regarding violence and equality against women, but the point is to get you talking and I think it's working!!! The director behind these videos is intentionally trying to raise awareness on physical abuse. His goal was to make you see that every victim is someone's little girl, someone's princess and this is what happens when a man hurts her.
      The campaign was created for a non-profit advocacy organization promoting sexual, racial and gender equity through the sale of clothing. All the proceeds for the F-Bomb tee shirts are all going to women and men who are victims of violence. These little girls are paid actors whose mother's are very proud that their child's voice is being heard for such great cause.
      One of the mother's Luke Montgomery stated "The whole idea was using a bad word for a good cause to get people's attention," explained Montgomery. "A lot of people are focusing on that we use the 'F' word in this video… The reason we did use the 'F' word is because we want people to focus on statistics like one out of five women will be raped or sexually assaulted in their lifetime, or the fact that women and men doing the exact same job, the woman gets paid 23 percent less than men. In 2014, that's what's shocking, not the 'F' word."
   You have to admit that this was a good idea because it immediately caught your attention. No we may not like them, but at least people are speaking up and demanding that we will not take this anymore! We will no longer tolerate Domestic Violence! Click on the link below to get to The Potty Mouth Princesses on YouTube!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNXvduPr4Mw

No More Secrets, No More Lies!

 

     I know we all know what it is like to keep a secret. That is something we all have in common. We at times feel as if we need to lie to our family, our friends and to ourselves without even realizing why. In the beginning I am sure we all felt the same deep love and infatuation for the man who had stolen our heart. We all believed he was "The One." We adjusted comfortably within the honeymoon stage, yearning to make love each and every night, pacing for him to call and begging for him to stay. But one day it all changed. We were tricked into thinking he was someone he was not and now we are up against the wall. We are seeing a different side, a side we would never expect to accept, but love will make you do the unimaginable.
   We had already bragged to the about how great our man is and how lucky we are to have found true love at last. So how can we let our friends and families know he is a woman beater and that we still love him? It sounds ridiculous when we say it out loud, but we all understand one another here so there is no judgment. We can't tell them! They will just look at us crazy and tell us to leave them. They will never understand! In our minds we think the abuse is only temporary. We think he is going to change at any moment because maybe we are just having a rough time now.  Heck we can make him change and we will do what ever we need to do to make it happen. We need to be there and be strong for our men right?
    I had these same thoughts as you do now. I thought supporting my man and trying to change him would bring the love back. If he didn't hit me in the beginning he can surely stop right? Well it took me six years to finally get it. It doesn't stop because he doesn't want to stop. He wants to continue using you as a doormat and a punching bag when ever he wants to shed blame. He is blaming you for all the wrong in his life and he knows you will take it. When abusers vent they usually vent and abuse the one they feel most comfortable with. They know you will not call the police or run and tell someone. They know you will keep their secret.
   It isn't fair that you were forced to tell such lies. It is embarrassing to admit who your boyfriend/husband is when no one's eyes are on you. You are not the type of person who would take this but you have and you have kept it to yourself out of fear. Fear of criticism from outsiders or maybe fear of what he might do if you told a soul.
   I was ashamed to admit what I was accepting. I was afraid to be alone and I was afraid my daughter would lose her father. I was overtaken with fear and rejection so I suppressed the pain and made an attempt to go on with my life. We would have our good days and we would have our bad. The bad ones were really, really bad. So bad I had nightmares for years, so bad I would flinch at any sudden close movements, so bad that I couldn't trust anyone. We all live through the bad and some of us are still living it today.
   For those of you women who have stayed, I just want to tell you how strong you are for putting up with such trauma. I also want to share with you how great it is after that pain is long gone. I know at times we feel we deserve it, but why? Why do we feel that we deserve to be hit and kicked and strangled over nonsense? Why? We keep asking ourselves why because we are trying to justify his actions and we cannot so we just blame ourselves when the blame is pointed in the wrong direction. No one deserves to be kicked down to the ground and neither do you.
    I could tell you to leave, but then so can many others. I cannot tell you anything. You have to know in your heart that you deserve to be treated as an equal, as a woman and as a person. You have the right to speak up and to get mad and to feel whatever it is that you are feeling. You have rights and he is stripping you of those rights as a human being. I am telling you, you are beautiful, strong, independent loving women! I am telling you! I am a stranger yes, but I understand what you are feeling.
     I understand your thoughts and emotions and I understand what hell feels like and this is it! This is hell...abuse is hell! We have been lying and covering up their behavior for so long we can't even recognize ourselves in the mirror anymore. They have changed who were are and we shouldn't have to change the better part of ourselves because someone else feels like dumping their load on us for no reason. We chose to fall in love and we chose to explore our options, but we did not choose this life. We didn't choose to be in the physical, mental and emotional pain he causes us everyday we open our eye lids. We deserve to be happy.
   I know that is what you really desire and I know all you want is for this one man to be desired again. If only he would stop these few things you could have your fairytale, but he is not choosing to do so. It's a tough realization to accept. Knowing that the one person you love won't change breaks us in more than one way, but that is the truth we have to face before it kills us. His words and actions are killing us more and more each day and it only takes one time to end your life for good. I wouldn't want to trade my life for that. I wouldn't want to take that chance.
    I took that chance and I chose to stick it out and to live with it because I was too weak to let him go for good. We can part days and weeks, but to part forever tears in half. The thought alone destroys us, but I promise you what you think is love now is not what love is. Love is more than this. Love is unconditional and love doesn't hurt us with words or their fists. Love doesn't put us down, call us names or make us feel as if we are their one mistake in life. Love is support and trust and love would never intend on hurting us as an act of revenge.
    I never knew what love was until I really experienced it. My first love abused me for six years. All I ever knew wasn't love at all until I met a real man who showed me. I invited him into my past and I talked about all the things I endured with love. In the six years we have been together he has showed me more than I ever read in fairytales. He supported me through my hardships, trust issues and nightmares. He has shown me what a real father is to his children and he would never lay a hand nor a nasty word in my direction.
     I never thought it was possible, but it is. There are knight in shining armors that can be there to support you, honor you and to love you unconditionally. I cannot convince you to believe me, but I hope my stories can shed some light in your life. There is hope! Aren't you tired of fighting? Lying and keeping secrets? I know I am and I know I'll never let it happen again. Sometimes love just isn't enough. There has to be more. Don't keep his secret anymore! It's time to speak up and it's time to live! You do not have to be ashamed of anything. No more secrets and no more lies! Say it with me sister...NO MORE SECRETS AND NO MORE LIES! Love thyself!

My Daughter Shouldn't Suffer From My Mistakes

     It's hard to admit that I let my daughter suffer when she didn't have too. She had to live through my mistakes and witness the abuse I suffered at the hands of her own father. I was young, a teenager in love and I had gotten pregnant 8 months into a relationship I thought would last forever. Her father had portrayed a person he failed to become. His words and promises heighted my hopes, the exact way my own father's promises used too. I wanted to rely on someone other than myself for once because my father had let me down in the past, but I couldn't rely on the one man I chose to love.
     He told me he was going to work as hard as he could to take care of his new family when he got the news that I was pregnant. But as the time flew by his body failed to lift from his parents couch. My stomach started to grow by the month and I was working full-time in a factory so I could afford our own apartment for when the baby arrived. I shortly started to realize I was all alone and would be the entire pregnancy. I barely received a foot rub, let alone some financial support. Knowing the obvious still didn't give me enough strength to break it off. I thought he would change and I believed in him. I believed he could be better and he told me he would try.
     I didn't want my daughter to live without a father. I knew what it was like to grow up without one so I made excuses on why I should stay. When he started hitting me I told myself I could suffer this much so she could have a father. In my mind I stayed for my child, but at the same time I really didn't want to be alone. At the time I wasn't very close with my family. The only person I really clicked with was my little brother and he was on crack. He was all I felt I had and he was there for me when I needed him at the time.
     Nothing was more important than for my daughter to have her father there as she came in to the world. He was floating in the clouds as he held her in his arms for the first time and at that moment I knew he would change. The problem was, was my brother introduced him to crack. Now he was a woman beater, a drug addict and father without a job. He lived off of me and in return I had someone to confide in to. He was a full time babysitter when he wasn't going off to jail or on a drug binge. I couldn't afford all our bills and a sitter at the same time. I was on welfare for crying out loud! He was a decent father when he chose to be, but in all honesty he was never really there enough to be a great one.
    As the years went by, he was more and more absent. He was never a father and he never not once worked so he could surprise his child with a Christmas, Easter or birthday gift. I would always buy something and stick his name on it. She saw him hit me, strangle me, kick me, yell at me and he once used her as a human shield so my brother wouldn't beat him up. He punched me as I held her in my arms over not letting him use my cell phone. He did so much damage to her and I didn't even realize it.
    I thought she would be too young to remember. I thought I was doing what was best for her as long as he treated her like an angel, which he always did compared to how he treated me. I was too young to realize why Child Protective Services took her away from me when he beat me to death. I thought I was being punished for being a victim. They should have helped me instead of taking the one thing in my life that I loved. I did everything for my baby and put her first in all that I did. I tried to leave her dad, but he would follow me, stalk me and bang on the doors at odd hours in the middle of the night.
    I thought I was in love and I thought I could change him, help him and save him from his pain. I tried to do my best and in doing so I nearly died. I tried to make him a great father when I should have turned my back. But aren't you supposed to stand by and help the ones you love? Yes I did do that and any woman would. But it had been nearly 6 years and nothing changed. I had to wake up and I had to do what was right for me and my child.
    He went to Prison for 2 years and we left. We didn't write, accept calls and I was working hard to get my daughter back from the mess he caused. I was working hard to heal myself and trying to help my daughter heal from his absence, but she only spiraled out of control. By 5th grade she was getting suspended every other week. She was stealing, lying, fighting and she grew an attitude the size of Jupiter.
    No matter what I did for her nothing could replace the hole in her heart that he had created. After 11 years he decided to become a real father. He got out of Prison, got a job, a nice girlfriend and a stable home for my daughter to visit. He started paying child support and I couldn't not let my daughter see him. She begged me to see him and now she is staying with him temporarily so they can bond.
   This is not something I am fond of. I miss my daughter so much, but I know she just wants to learn who her father is. Her grades have gone up, but her attitude has gotten worse. She blames me for everything and if she only knew the truth, she would be too young to understand it. Right now we are in counseling trying to resolve her pain, but her pain wouldn't be this bad if I had left him! I do feel at fault although I shouldn't because I really did all I could with the resources I had to raise a child so young. I went without for years so she could have everything.
    This is what a mother is supposed to do. She is supposed to give the world to her daughter, but if could rewind back time I never would have let her see the things that she once saw. She says she doesn't remember, but I know she has tried to suppress those memories. She has so much anger for her father, but she chooses not to reveal it for fear he might leave her again. He calls me and acts like he is the father of the year because she is doing well in school now and didn't when I had her and it makes me want to puke, but what can I do?
   I will do anything for my child! I made this decision for her as long as she is in a stable environment and there is no abuse going on. So far everything is going well and it is only temporarily, but I am missing my daughter so much. I just wish I could take her pain away, but I cannot take back the decisions I once made. I want her to be happy and for her to feel normal, but at times she lashes out and throws tantrums that can hardly be controlled.
     I know we all think our kids won't suffer as long as they are not being abused, but that just simply isn't true. I am living, breathing proof and my daughter is suffering mentally and emotionally from the environment she once lived in. She wants me and her dad to get back together, but that will never happen. I guess all kids have wished that who have lived through a divorce or separation of some sort. They wish things would go back to normal, but there is no normal in this situation of mine.
    That man tried to break me and lost. I lost everything, including my trust and self esteem, but the love I received from the man I am dating now has changed my life forever. I am more in love than I have ever been and he would never harm me, even with his words. I have been blessed and my daughter cares for him deeply, but her daddy has been her focus lately. We are trying to repair the damage her dad had caused many years ago and I am afraid we will be too late if nothing changes soon.
    My daughter has even thought of suicide at 11 years old. She has tried to jump out of a moving car and she has made unimaginable threats to me, her mother, the one who has been here fighting for her the entire time, while her father was off having the time of his life. But the counselor says people lash out on those who they feel most comfortable with and I am trying to stay positive. She lashes out on me and her step father, the man who has been her father figure for most of her life and it hurts so bad.
    I am not giving up on her and I am doing everything I can to save her from her thoughts. We are trying to do everything we can to heal her. The point of this story is, is if you are going through what already transpired in my life PLEASE stop and think before you let the man stay. I know your in love and your children will say mean things, but nothing is more detrimental than letting a child suffer by watching her mom being abused.
    Letting a man walk in and out, in and out is not healthy. It's honestly better to part ways until he has changed and I don't mean he says he has changed. I mean you actually see the changes in his actions. I thought I was doing what was best, but I was young and stupid. I actually thought this man was the love of my life. I thought we would be together forever and have more children, but things change, plans change and I have changed. I am stronger than I have ever been and I need to use my strength to help my daughter find hers. I need to help before it is too late. Please learn from my story and don't let the kids live what my daughter lived through.

Quote of the Day

Forgiveness is Meant to Help you Move On

 

Forgiveness is not for them, forgiving someone(from within yourself) for what horrible things they did to you is for you!

Forgiving is an important part in the healing process as a survivor of domestic violence so you can move on with living a happy and healthy life.

Forgiving is not always easy, nor should it be done to benefit the one who caused you harm or pain.

Forgiveness is beneficial for you

so you can take back the power he once stole.

He will no longer have control over you again because you are far from his grip, but if you never forgive, he will never leave your thoughts.

Your hatred, anger and resentment will remain, pulling you down to floor.

Love will be nearly impossible to obtain.

Forgiving is not for them, forgiveness is for you!

If I can forgive my abuser, you can do it too!